Patience, not just persistence. A lesson to players on how to be “cool”

I’ll set the stage.

Currently, four of the coaches from the academy (Henry, Harrison, Ethan and myself) all live together in one house. Having all recently graduated from Division One lacrosse programs, our daily conversations are geared towards how to make the academy more and more into an elite and high-performing environment. Each week, the goal is to assess our weak points and elevate the standard with clear communication and a vision of the highest ideal we can conceive. These conversations take place on walks around the nearby church, our DIY sauna, and our newly made office that we often refer to as the “war room.” It goes down in the war room.

One recurring theme in our conversations has been the question of what it means to be “cool,” and the misunderstandings that come with it. Right now, we are in the midst of seeing how for high school players, there is a temptation towards being “cool,” and with it, a path that leads to mediocrity.

Reflecting on my own journey during this time period, the transition between high school and college was the first real opportunity to see how life begins to truly unfold for myself and everyone else around me. The chains of parental control, school constraints, and community expectations are lifted from young adults and what’s left are the habits you decide to develop on your own.

As a player, your recreational freedom is seemingly limitless – from wide-ranging academic curriculum to clubs on campus, to (and especially) the freedom to watch TV, play video games, and/or get into the party scene on campus. If discipline and vision have not been instilled on a personal level, the players lose any sort of edge and begin to fall apart.

Those who’ve gone to church their whole life but have no urge to go deeper themselves stop their growth in faith. They may still say they believe, but faith must be developed in the personal moments, apart from friends and family.

As a student, you no longer have the all-knowing eyeball of mom or dad watching you do homework each night. Are you genuinely curious and interested in intellectual pursuit? This too, is tested.

Now as I write this in reflection of my time in college, I think about all of the people that excelled in their various pursuits, be it sports, faith, or school, and I can say with confidence that their days were marked by a steady patience of consistent execution towards an ever-raising personal standard. These were the people that showed up early, stayed late, asked the stupid questions that everyone else was too scared to ask, and had an insatiable appetite for developing the best systems. In other words, they stood alone in a room full of people. In other words, they looked strange to other people. But with the accomplishments, knowledge, and passion they accumulated over time, what they had became was “cool” in a completely new sense. Others couldn’t help but envy them, but no one wanted to walk that same path of simplicity. To show up on time, take good notes, and execute the daily tasks as they present themselves.

And so, two paths emerge from college: those that dip their toes and dabble, and those that go all in.

I recently heard a distinguishing point that describes how the two paths differ. In the conversation, a man was talking about how the words “persistence” and “patience” are essentially describing the same process, but he refuses to use persistence because it’s not accurate to how life really is.

Persistence brings a feeling of intensity and excitement—to push and grind in order to get to the end. It’s the fourth quarter, everyone is tired, and they come together and persist. Adrenaline floods the mind.

Patience, on the other hand, feels just… bleh.

In a time of increasing stimulation, never-ending options for dopamine release, and immediate gratification, no one really wants to hear the message of patience. It feels dusty and bland. It’s not as cool as persistence.

But, as anyone who understands striving after a worthwhile goal knows, the feeling of hearing the word “patience” is a hell of a lot more accurate to describing the daily practices necessary.

Every day at the house, an outsider might say that we are strange and boring. On the clock, we all walk into the war room at 4:30 a.m., read for an hour, eat the same meal, leave at the same time, do the same workouts, coach for 5 hours, come back to reflect and iterate on the day, eat the same dinner, and go to bed at the same time. Boring. But the results have compounded into something we could have only dreamed of. Patience, not just persistence.

Coming back to the topic at hand, we are now in consideration of how high school kids don’t have a full understanding of how habits continue to compound over time to form a life that they will either love or hate. Naturally, they want to be accepted in the eyes of their peers, but without the long-term sight of their habits, this often means going with the flow of the crowd—to do what is accepted.

Let’s pause for a moment and consider the state of the “crowd” based on recent studies:

• A third of children have signs of addiction to mobile phones, social media, and video games. (Source)

• 4/10 students had constant feelings of sadness or hopelessness in 2023. (Source)

• One out of four students were shown to be physically active for more than 60 minutes per day on all 7 days of the week (24.6%), while even fewer met the aerobic and muscle-strengthening guidelines (16.5%). (Source)

This is not acceptable.

While we know with certainty that our players are already in the top 1% of all U.S. kids, this doesn’t change the fact that they are constantly surrounded by—and listening to—others who influence their behavior and what they deem as “cool.”

In our sessions, we routinely notice behaviors creeping onto the field that show evidence of this reality. A few we discuss often are:

• Training with half effort and not being a “try hard”.

• Showing up either exactly on time or a few minutes after training starts.

• Taking what a coach instructs as a suggestion and instead doing their own style of play. 

• Not being curious and respectful about the teammates around them.

To fix these would mean looking strange in the eyes of their peers temporarily—but in the long run, it means becoming undeniably great. And nothing is cooler than that.

We will continue to raise the standard as a group—not only for the sake of performance, but in order to help each player rise to the best version of themselves down the line. This will require a process of weeding out those that bring others down. We reserve the right to take action on these players in order to protect the rest of the community. And of course, we will continue to encourage and mentor those who are unafraid to stand out. Our vision and excitement towards the future remains steady. 

Patience, not just persistence. One day at a time.

With faith and endurance,

Davis Whiting